Why Jake Is Here

Jake is here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And guess what, Jake is all out of bubble gum!

Hunting 2

Jake does not go hunting with a gun, a knife, or a bow and arrow. He goes hunting with a sling shot and jelly beans.

Hunting

When Jake goes hunting, he always looks to kill Bambi

Thanksgiving Dinner

Jake is the only man I know who killed his Thanksgiving dinner with his bare hands!

Cougars

Jake Smith is the only man I know that can defend himself against a pack of wild cougars!

Clowns

Jake Smith is the reason why Clowns scare the hell out of people!

True American

If you ever look up Jake Smith in the dictionary, you will find the definition of a true American

The insulting pickup

Jake Smith is the only man I know that can insult a women and still have that women want him even more.

Fight house

Jake is the reason why ice house beer is called fight house beer, because once he starts drinking it someone is going to get their ass kicked!

Drinker

Jake is always drinking and when he does he perfers Jack Daniel's !

HERO

Jake Smith is the type of person that goes out into the woods with a spoon and comes back a war hero!!

Scared

Jake is not scared of guns, nor he is not scared of nifes, the only thing that scares Jake is Jake himself !

Phrase of the day

The phrase of the day from Jake Smith, "I am only going to have one beer, I got this one out of the cooler and I plan on have a couple more."

Hate Him or Love Him

When it comes to Jake he does not care if you hate him or love him. Jake only knows one thing and that is if you dont like him then...

Shark Hunting

On a fishing trip in the Atlantic Ocean Jake cut the palm of his hand with a knife, put the knife his mouth, and then  proceeded to jump into the water. As the smell of his blood was in the water a great white approached him. Jake and the great white went at each other straight on. Within a few minutes the water turned red and Jake appeared. When Jake first told me this story I did not believe him, but when he took me into his room he had the great whites head mounted on his wall and I knew it had to be true.

Jackdaniels

I once saw Jake jump over board a boat when he saw two barrels of his favorite drink Jackdaniels go over. Jake went missing for a week and everyone assumed he was dead. That week all of his friends and family met at the beach to honor his memory. When the priest stood up and said Jake's name, he was in shock when he looked down the beach and saw Jake standing there with 2 barrels of Jack on his shoulders and a glass mug in his mouth. Jake put a barrel down, took the mug out of his mouth and looked at the crowed and said, "Hey guys how did you know that I was going to be throwing a party here!"

DUCK TAP

Last weekend Jake Smith got a little cut on his finger. A innocent bystander told Jake that he was bleeding and asked him if he wanted a band aid. Jake just looked at this person and said, "I do not use band aides, I use duck tap." The person then looked at Jake and said, " Jake that's why you are the biggest bad ass I know."

Pick Up Lines

Jake Smith pick up lines...

      1. "Hey baby you want a rophie?"
      2. "Hey baby lets flip a coin; heads I get  tail, tails I get head. Look at it this way we both win."

BAMF

I sat down to interview Jake for the first time the other day and he looked at me said, " There is only one thing you need to know about me. If you mess with the best, you'll die like the rest."

Trash Cans

On the way home from wings I wittness Jake Smith decapitate two trash cans. When the cops pulled him over and asked him why he did it he replied, "Those damn trash cans stared me down!"

The Life and Story of Jake Smith

One fact you need to know about Jake Smith, "Guns do not kill people, Jake Smith does!"